Just to let you know you’re not alone … Since I got Jake’s diagnosis in September, I have put on 10 pounds, have stopped running on a regular basis, fun no-brainer fiction has been replaced with nonfiction & blogs, and quite often I don’t even wash my face at night and put on my “special” cream! I joke with my friends that I’m going through a self-destructive phase. I also said, “my heart’s just not into running right now,” b/c that is the truth. When I try, I’m just consumed with guilt and worry, feeling like there are so many other more productive things I could do be doing. When I went to the CASANA walk, I was actually on the lookout, wondering if other moms of apraxia kids were going through the same thing.

But, I went to a friend’s father’s funeral this past Friday and I was embarrassed that all my old friends who I haven’t seen in a few months were still slim & trim in their dresses, while I was hiding behind black pants & a baggy white shirt. One friend said, “My new schedule is great! I drop the kids at school, then head to the gym, and go to work at 10:00.” She gets off at 5:00, but her husband gets off work early to pick the kids up & start dinner. Erghhh… I couldn’t help but feel jealous of her tidy life.

Anyway. This was a wake up call for me. I have MY life and even if it is more difficult, I have to figure out how to not fall apart at the ripe old age of 38. I have been reading a book on autism, which has really inspired me to feed Jake ultra-healthy so I’ve put diet on the top of my priority list now, for both of us. It’s got to be. My summer clothes are all too tight and I will do anything to boost Jake’s speech.

Last, if you are a Christian, I would highly recommend reading the book “Calm my Anxious Heart,” by Linda Dillow. I read one chapter a week back in the fall for a bible study and it helped me tremendously. Hang in there and best of luck to you-